This question has been pondered since the time of the ancients – and probably a fair bit before them. The Temple at Delphi invited each person to “Know thyself”, yet how many of us truly do?

The following quote intrigues me, and gives me the perfect introduction to Clarity 4D, a profiling tool I am accredited to use:

“In my quietest hours, I debate, deduce, and decide—who I am versus who I'm meant to be.”
Aura Biru, Author of ‘We are Everyone’

“In my quietest hours” - reflective practice is one of the most enlightening, rewarding, and bravest things we can do. To take the time to think, to pause and be. What rich learning and what richer subject than ourself and how we are making our way in this life? Each of us with our own strengths, our limitations, challenges unique to us and creating our own meaning.

I was recently given the feedback that my coaching is like sorcery: “some kind of witchery” is what a client said. Through holding space, and asking those intuitive questions, I can enable a spell to be conjured. It has given me real food for thought on the power of coaching, and much time for reflection on my coaching style.

And as part of this rich reflection, much like viewing myself in a mirror, as Biru says “I debate”. What is it I see reflected back, and does this reflect the internal view of myself? What are my values, and am living in alignment with them? Do I like who I am, and how I am living?

And like Sherlock Holmes, “I deduce” from surveying the rich evidence of my life – what stories, feedback, strengths, challenges, failures and successes mean to me.

Like the kindly judge and jury of my own life at this point, I can then “decide - who I am versus who I’m meant to be”.  This, to me, is what drew me to this quote. It aligns with a quote from Carl Rogers "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.". We don’t what to reject our self or be the harsh critic in our reflective practice. On the contrary, my belief is the more I can accept myself – where I am right now – the more I can change.

This leads me to Clarity 4D. In 2026, I became an accredited partner with Clarity 4D, a personality profile that literally had me gasping when I read my own profile! I have completed many profiles, yet this one was me reflected by me in 95% accuracy!

This is what we call the Discover step – where the profile reflects where you see yourself at this point in time. Your self awareness. It’s a snapshot – a bit like the Profit & Loss Account is the snapshot in time of your financial situation – but it reflects your sense of self identity.

What I found interesting was asking others for their feedback on how they saw me. This is the Discuss step. I found that others’ perception of me was varied – according to the situation they met me in. It was strange to think how chameleon like I was – detail oriented when called to present my analysis at meetings; people focused when networking, socialising and in teams I am a member, and the creative, energetic and livewire for ideas generation. The only initial surprise to me was a sibling who saw me as the directive, fast paced and decisive person, but even this was explained once we’d explored how we knew each other now.

What was obvious during the Discuss step was that I’d learned the lesson of life (for me) was to adapt my communication style to the situation at hand, the people around me, and the role I was expected to play.

The third step – Diversify your hidden potential – showed a clear People Pleasing theme. This included  an unwillingness to challenge, finding it hard to disagree, and an avoidance of difficult conversations. A bit of a theme emerging. So, this year I have taken time to breathe during conversations where I feel I am on the back foot – and given myself time to respond. It has been a personally stretching year, with a few misunderstandings – hence the timing couldn’t have been better.

The 4th step – Develop your full potential over time – has been rewarding. Each month I have set a gentle intention, and every day I have kept a reflection log and an achievements journal. I started by “accepting myself just as I am” – the person who finds disagreements uncomfortable. And the more I have accepted that this difficult conversation feels uncomfortable, the easier those discussions have been. In case you are wondering, my intention for October – taken from Rick Hansons Foundations of Wellbeing programme – is to “be more assertive and rise to challenges”. Intentions do work – change your brain and your life for the better. Change can be slow, and we can work at the pace comfortable to us.

I’ll write more on Clarity 4D in my next blog – however, if you do wish to explore how this profile can help your people to communicate more effectively, and your leaders to lead others with confidence – contact me on 07584 122910.